#sandor is an outlaw

[dr3adlady]

I'm almost done with my fic, Born to Burn. Only one chapter, epilogue, remains. If you want an angsty dark romance about outlaws and school teachers and lawmen, you might want to give this a try :)

[carebooks]

i wanna talk about how cool brynden “blackfish” tully is and there’s no one to talk to about it, most of them go “huh?”

anyway, i just think he’s a really gnarly cool dude

[vitaminkenjoyer]

the hound lie that brienne gives to jaime is so interesting in it's absurdity cause once jaime gets trapped he has to then believe that sweet innocent brienne has teamed up with the mad dog of saltpans?? and even if jaime arrives to the definitive conclusion that sandor didn't do saltpans (he does show doubts about it in feast) and had joined up with outlaws right after his desertion instead, still. brienne and the hound together has to be such a far out looney tunes idea for him to wrap his head around that i almost wonder if some of it is not by design on brienne's part

[agentrouka-blog]

Sandor confessing to Arya about how he almost raped her sister and killed Mycah is quite similar to Gregor confessing to Oberyn how he raped and killed his sister and nephew. Arya after his confession refused to mercy kill him while Oberyn was succeeded in harming Gregor.

Sandor may be his brother's victim but in many instances he became like his brother.

So much so!!

By this point they have essentially switched places. The former war criminal terrorizing the Riverlands has become a kingsguard, but actually he's dead and his head is travelling without him. He is a zombie puppet , a toy knight like the one he burned his brother over. Whatever else may happen to him now, he is no longer Gregor. He is Ser Robert Strong.

The former kingsguard has become, to the public, an outlaw terrorizing the Riverlands, but actually he's "dead" and his head helm is travelling without him. He is a gravedigger, a repentant servant on the Quiet Isle, and for the time being no longer Sandor.

His lifelong obsession, his villainous brother, the object of his hate and all of his contrary life choices, is both gone and not gone.

He might choose life. He might choose to be free.

But the Stranger is in the stables, waiting, implacable.

If the gravedigger transforms back into Sandor, there can be only one destination for him.

[atopvisenyashill]

there’s a few potential sansa romantic endgames that i think have some textual basis and i think all of them come with a lot of issues wrt sansa being able to publically claim these relationships which is why i think sansa will say her children are “fathered by a wolf” because regardless of Who she’s with or even the legality of it, she’s going to be actively concealing their identity AND YET she needs to have children.

i think especially that even though arya’s love life is guaranteed to be less complicated, sansa will feel obligated to take this “burden” of ensuring their line onto herself; she wants arya to have the freedom to go where she pleases, be with who she pleases, and follow her passions and that is not easy to do if everyone is expecting you to come home and start popping out kids. I consider them a sort of reflection of ned and lyanna in this way in that sansa, second born and not meant to rule, uses her newfound power to let the wild, youngest girl (but not youngest child) in the family follow her passions wherever they may take her.

this is all kind of weird with the nixed time jump but considering that george has talked about writing stories from arya’s pov about her adventures, I think it’s going to be fairly important in story regardless of their ages that arya will attempt to offer to stay home and marry and have children as a way of helping to protect sansa’s very shaky claim on winterfell but that sansa encourages arya to do whatever she wants. to travel, to help shepherd the boatloads of refugees from the various wars to wherever they want to call home, to settle displaced northerners in other parts of westeros as well, to get involved in the lives of the people arya is helping and agree to help them liberate their own homes by using her skills (crucial here that arya is A leader but not the SOLE leader), or to go out into the woods and be a secret not-quite-an-outlaw (bc sansa isn’t outlawing anything that could hurt arya’s lil crusades, probably is helping bankroll arya) to bring justice to the smallfolk, like whatever it is arya wants to do with her life, the point is that she offers to give it up and sansa refuses to take the offer.

and then we have the idea that her kids are fathered by a wolf. not elizabeth-ing herself here exactly because she’s having children but never publicly acknowledging a father or a husband or even a lover.

i think the candidates most likely are jon snow and theon, with both brienne and podrick as like “i’m not saying he’s gonna do it but i am saying they make a lot of sense narratively” and aegon vi as a huge long shot but still undeniable contender. if briensa does go canon everyone owes me five bucks each tho. i think the options other people float are not just wildly unserious they also clearly don’t think sansa will be The Ruling Lady Of Winterfell, but some much more minor or less emotionally resonant title and i just do not vibe with that shit at all. harry the heir, sandor, sweetrobin, tyrion, littlefucker, like never mind sansa never once showing any real interest in these guys and NONE of these dudes being satisfied by the idea of being her secret husband, if sansa says to arya “yeah i’m marrying tyrion” arya is going “blink twice if you’re being held hostage and you need me to kill him” but it’s too late because jon snow is already unsheathing longclaw and bran is attacking with every raven in winterfell. it’s not fucking happening and imo it’s unserious to pretend like it could happen in canon. (and if it DOES happen in canon you will find me rocking up to george’s house in jersey and demanding to know why he’s so weird about teenage girls). i think margaery is a huge long shot here (and not just bc it would make them both canonically on screen gay) because i don’t think she’s gonna live to the ending, and jeyne poole is too traumatized at this point in time for me to feel confident in putting her in the same category as brienne and pod.

(theon’s trauma is WHY i think he’s still a contender - post reek theon is going to struggle a lot with figuring out where he’s supposed to be, who he’s supposed to be, and who he can trust as he puts himself back together, and that lends itself nicely to the idea of a secret husband/lover imo. once again, we are talking extreme trauma bonding here - that’s just the only way i see sansa’s romances going).

if you’re asking “who do you think arya is winding up with” it’s gendry. i don’t doubt that there were some plans for edric dayne, arya, and gendry but i think gendry was always going to be her great love here, that she’s always going to turn down the idea of marriage to him but gendry doesn’t care so long as they are still together. there’s a neon blinking sign over gendry’s head that says “endgame material” and i think it’s unserious to pretend it’s not there too!!

[libraryofneith]

Old Dog, New Tricks - Chapter Five (Sandor Clegane x Female Reader)

@ladysandorclegane1968 @broadsdrinkwhisky @northwindsdaughter

Summary: Sandor and Kya catch up with the Brotherhood

Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, proceed with caution, Sandor and reader being cute, apologies for the wait it will happen again, college has the crazy idea that i should work for my degree

Series Masterlist

It didn’t take them long to find them. Idiots didn’t even see them coming. Hadn’t bothered to have a look-out, probably thought they’d killed all the people who could threaten them. First man had only just noticed his friends looking nervous and turned around only to lose his head. The second just stood there gawking as he put an axe in his chest. Third had only just gotten his sword out when Sandor slashed the axe across his throat. The last one he decided to draw out a bit longer. He drove the axe up between his legs, causing him to fall to his knees, entrails pouring out the hole where his cock used to be. He grabbed the top of his bald head, forcing the man to look up at him and growled: “Where’s the other one, the one with the yellow cloak?” “Fuck you!” the man cried out desperately. “Those are your last words, fuck you? Come on you can do better.” The man paused before whimpering out pathetically: “cunt.” “You’re shit at dying, you know that?” Then he brought the axe down, with all the force he could muster on top of the man’s head. Sandor looked back and saw Kya standing at the camp, he’d been too focused to notice she was there. She was staring at the first man he killed, the youngest of them. She didn’t look sad or angry. She just looked. He touched her shoulder lightly to get her attention. “The others can’t have gotten far. We should go now.” She nodded and off they went; him taking long, purposeful strides, and her scurrying to keep up with him. They didn't need to walk long before they found the rest of them. They were standing on boxes with ropes around their necks, the one with the yellow cloak stood in the middle. They were surrounded by armed men but he didn’t recognise any of them until the middle two turned around. The last time he’d seen them they’d put him on trial for his so-called crimes then stole his gold: Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr.

“Clegane.” Beric said casually, as if they’d just met yesterday for tea and a quick catch-up.

“The fuck you doing here?” Thoros said, always the blunter of the two.

“Chasing them, you?”

“Hanging them.” He’d save them the trouble.

“Any particular reason?” he asked, struggling to keep the malice out of his tone.

“They’re our men or they were.” Beric replied. “They attacked a nearby sept and murdered the villagers.” He could feel Kya tense beside him. “Why do you want them?”

“Same reason. I was helping build it. They killed a friend of mine.”

“You got friends?” Thoros smirked. He looked at Kya, could he really call her a friend yet? He decided to ignore the question.

“They’re mine.” But before he could reach them Beric stepped in his way.

“It’s the Brotherhood’s good name they’ve dragged through the dirt.” Kya snorted. Beric gave her a quick look but ignored her.

“Fuck your name, they’re mine. I’ve killed you once before Dondarrion, happy to do it again.” Beric didn’t seem to take offense at the threat, merely smiled. He could hear the sound of a bow being stretched.

“Drop that arrow you bloody girl” he said, never breaking eye contact with the outlaw leader. “Tougher girls than you have tried to kill me.” Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw the girl smirk. He turned, intending to chop the cunt’s bow hand off, but before he got to him, he heard: “You can have one of them.” Sandor gave Beric a look.

“Two.” Beric looked at Thoros for confirmation and he nodded. Sandor went to the one on the left and raised his axe, earning a whimper out of the murderer. But before he could cut into him, Thoros stayed his hand.

“No no no no, we’re not butchers, we hang them.”

“Hanging!” he barked back. “All over in an instant. Where’s the punishment in that?”

“They die.”

“We all bloody die, except this one.” He nodded at Beric. “I’ll only gut on of them.”

“No.” Beric said firmly.

“I’ll chop off one hand.”

“We gave you two out of three, in respect for your loss. That’s generous.” Sandor looked at him. He clearly wasn’t going to budge. He looked at Kya and she just shrugged, clearly not caring how they died so long as they were dead. He dropped the axe.

“Bunch of nancies. There was a time I would’ve killed all seven of you just to gut these three.”

“You’re getting old Clegane” Thoros said.

“He’s not” Sandor retorted, and kicked the stool out from under the left man. He looked back at the girl. “You can have the other.” Beric looked like he was going to protest until she moved towards the middle one.

“Please milady, I’ll do anything.” She simply stared at him, then did something Sandor did not expect: grabbed the man around the legs, lifted him up briefly (she was stronger than she looked) and kicked the stool out before slowly lowering him down. She wanted him to die slowly, he realised with a start. Got more steel than I thought. He watched her as she watched him kick and struggle, never breaking eye contact until at last the man’s struggle ceased.

They all turned to leave but before Sandor joined them, he surveyed the dead man’s boots. Good make, looked pretty sturdy, his own shoes were wearing thin from all the tracking. He took one of them off and measured it next to his foot – should fit well enough, and the previous owner wouldn’t be needing them. He could feel their eyes on him as he swapped his own boots with the corpse’s. Beric and Thoros looked at him with contempt but he could see the ghost of a smile on Kya's face. He stared right back at Beric and Thoros.

“Got anything to eat?”

As they made their way to the camp, he heard Thoros whispering to her “Who are you then, his little camp follower?”

The girl’s fist shot out so quickly he didn’t even realise what had happened until Thoros reeled back, howling in pain and clutching his nose. He turned to Beric protesting.

“She hit me!” Beric looked at her, then back at him.

“I think you deserved that one.”

Sandor smiled, not a smirk this time, but an actual smile. Kya looked back at him and grinned. The girl was starting to grow on him.

[laurellerual]

Arya and Sansa storyswap: an exercise in imagination

Premise: I tried to speculate what might happen if Sansa manages to escape King's Landing and Arya gets stuck in the capital. I collected my thoughts on this scenario trying to make logical, credible choices that respected the characterization of the characters and the timeline of the books (the wiki was very usefull for this). I discarded all the scenarios that end in "…and then she dies horribly" because they're boring. I write with assumption that they would still remain POV characters and therefore mantain a minimum of plot armor. Like everyone, I have my biases so it's not perfect, but I tried to put myself in the most neutral mindset possible. Enjoy and let me know your thoughts. Part 1, Part 2

Part 3/3: Reunion

A Storm of Swords

Sandor and his “squire" are captured and bringed to Stoney Sept in the Riverlands. The Brotherhood without Banners takes them to Hollow Hill. Clegane is put on trial for various atrocities committed by Lannister soldiers, but he survives and is freed.

Arya is recognized by Harwin and Sansa. The two sisters reunite and remain under the "protection" of the outlaws. Because of this, the story takes a very different turn from here on.

For example, I don't think Arya would try to escape the Brotherhood so soon. As a result I don't think the Hound would be unable to kidnap the Stark girls again. However, the Hound could also decide to stay with the Brotherhood. He could plan to go to the Twins, introduce himself to Robb as Arya's savior, and ask him for a job.

So the Brotherhood proceeds as planned, they now have another valuable hostage and intend to take both girls to Lord Edmure's wedding and ransom them to their family. A group of men (like Lem, Harwin, Tom, etc) accompanies the sisters to Harroway to cross the Trident, but their journey is delayed because they find it flooded (like in Arya IX).

They reach the Twins just in time for the Red Wedding, and the outlaws manage to drag the Stark sisters away and save them. Arya and Sansa go through a complicated period of mourning but the fact of being together helps them. The two want to hold onto hope that perhaps their mother might have survived.

One night Arya has her first wolf dream in a long time: she sees Cat's body and drags it out of the river. In the morning Sansa suggests asking the men to go back and look for the woman, but Arya tells her that she's dead. As per canon Lord Beric, Thoros and the others come across the corpse and Dondarrion dies to resurrect her.

Lem's group continues their journey, this time they intend to take the girls to Lysa Arryn, but they discover that the mountain clans are bolder than ever and decide not to take the risk and return to the Riverlands.

The Stark sisters are getting impatient, Arya suggests that the two could run away and try to get to Winterfell alone. Sansa has to inform her sister that Winterfell was conquered by Theon months ago. She is devastated and abandons all plans. Lem's group returns to the Hollow Hill to discuss a new plan with Beric or perhaps to take more men as escorts before returning to the Vale.

Waiting for them in the hill, there isn't the lightning lord but Lady Stoneheart! Mother and daughters reunite.

A Feast for Crows

That's it. Final cliffhanger, sorry.

[ewinofthelake]

Arya was raised on a small farm in the Mountains of Winter. She had never owned fancy dresses, never pampered her long dark hair, but she was all the same the most beautiful girl in the North. She just didn't know it.

Her favourite pastimes were running in the woods with her direwolf Nymeria and tormenting the farm boy that worked for her family. His name was Jaqen, but she never called him that. To her, it was as if he had no name.

Nothing gave Arya as much pleasure as ordering Jaqen around.

"Farm boy, brush my direwolf's coat, I want to see it shining by morning," she told him one day, her hand petting Nymeria.

He was always so quiet, so courteous. "A man must serve." And maybe as handsome as she was beautiful.

A man must serve was all he ever said to her. He just looked at her. He always looked at her, always smiling. He saw her.

"Farm boy, fill these with water," she told him on the morrow, two buckets dropped near him.

He was outside, chopping firewood with an axe. "A man must serve." And a man obeyed.

She never looked at him. She just turned and left. But that day, her eyes stayed on him. That day, she chewed her lip to keep a please from escaping. That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying a man must serve what he meant was I love you.

"Farm boy, fetch me that kettle," she told him at the turn of the moon, the kettle so close she could reach it herself from where she was sitting.

He was in the kitchen doorway, a pair of heavy padded mitts soon in his hands. "A man must serve." And kneeling beside her, Arya drunk on his smile, they finally gazed into each other's eyes.

Even more amazing was that day. The day she realised she wanted to kiss that disarming smile. The day she realised she truly loved him back.

How their love survived the adventures with the three outlaws Tyrion the witty dwarf, 'Big Man' Sandor Clegane and Syrio Forel the fencing master, with the evil prince Bolton and his six-fingered goon Meryn Trant, and with the kindly magician in his robe of black and white, well... That is a story for another day.

Arya Stark Valentine’s Day Challenge 2023, prompts Secret Admirer/Alternate Fandom/Fairytale: Jaqen H'ghar/Arya Stark, The Princess Bride AU

[wpmorse]

Sandor Clegane looked at their faces, every one, as if he were trying to commit them all to memory. Then he walked back out into the darkness and the pouring rain from whence he'd come, with never another word. The outlaws waited, wondering . . .

Arya VII -pg 542

Sandor wants the money the Brotherhood took from him back. Since they don't have it, he remembers faces, takes names, and leaves.

This one was okay. When I first read this scene I visualized happening at a campsite and only realized it was in an inn when I reread it for the picture. Hatching isn't that effective for night scenes.

[dr3adlady]

I'm working on a new fic which I'm going to name "born to burn", and it's going to be a western. I always loved the genre, and Sandor is one of those characters who look like they have just walked out of a duel alive, so it was just a matter of time till I made such an au :))) I'm very excited about it, and the first chapter will be released soon.

[dappled-grey]

So I finally watched Outlaw King...who wants to write a Sansan AU?

[iremainunvanquished]

Ser Shadrich: You’re wanted, Clegane. 

Sandor: I reckon I’m right popular. You a bounty hunter? 

Ser Shadrich: A man’s got to do something for a living these days.

Sandor: Dyin’ ain’t much of a living, boy. 

[lieutenantseivarden-tomove]

I don't care for Sandor in general, but the duel with Beric Dondarrion was iconic.

"This cave is dark too, but I'm the terror here."

#legendary

[bookhousestark]

ARYA STARK APPRECIATION MONTH 2022 ↳ Day 23: Men in Arya’s life → Men searching for Arya throughout the series

She would have been better alone. If she had been alone, the outlaws would never have caught her, and she'd be with Robb and her mother by now. They were never my pack. If they had been, they wouldn't leave me. She splashed through a puddle of muddy water. Someone was shouting her name, Harwin probably, or Gendry, but the thunder drowned them out as it rolled across the hills, half a heartbeat behind the lightning. The lightning lord, she thought angrily. Maybe he couldn't die, but he could lie.

***

It had been so long since he had last seen Arya. What would she look like now? Would he even know her? Arya Underfoot. Her face was always dirty. Would she still have that little sword he'd had Mikken forge for her? Stick them with the pointy end, he'd told her. Wisdom for her wedding night if half of what he heard of Ramsay Snow was true. Bring her home, Mance. I saved your son from Melisandre, and now I am about to save four thousand of your free folk. You owe me this one little girl.

***

We are five thousand strong as I write, our numbers swelling every day. And word has come to us that Roose Bolton moves toward Winterfell with all his power, there to wed his bastard to your half sister. He must not be allowed to restore the castle to its former strength. We march against him. Arnolf Karstark and Mors Umber will join us. I will save your sister if I can, and find a better match for her than Ramsay Snow. You and your brothers must hold the Wall until I can return.

***

The outlaw gave him an encouraging smile. "Well, as it happens, we're looking for a dog that ran away." "A dog?" Merrett was lost. "What kind of dog?" "He answers to the name Sandor Clegane. Thoros says he was making for the Twins. We found the ferrymen who took him across the Trident, and the poor sod he robbed on the kingsroad. Did you see him at the wedding, perchance?" "He would have had a child with him," said the singer. "A skinny girl, about ten. Or perhaps a boy the same age."

***

You know nothing, Jon Snow. He thought of Arya, her hair as tangled as a bird's nest. I made him a warm cloak from the skins of the six whores who came with him to Winterfell … I want my bride back … I want my bride back … I want my bride back … "I think we had best change the plan," Jon Snow said.

***

"I mean to have Arya as well. I have men searching."

[aegor-bamfsteel]

So Rhaegar Frey, a southern lord, whose son named Jonos Frey and had other son named Robert was potential match for Wynfred Manderly a northern daughter. Rhaegar's first wife was dead from illness. He insulted North king Robb Stark and wanted Manderlys to bend the knee to Iron Throne. His family was responsible for killing killing Starks and Wendel. Though he died before he married Wynafrd. I do think grrm is mocking Rhaegar Targ through Rhaegar Frey and fans don't even recognize it.

Despite GRRM saying he has good fans (as per this response comparing us favorably to Rowling’s after he lost the 2001 Hugo Award), he does seem to like trolling us, doesn’t he? There’s also Melisandre saying if she’s ever mistaken about her visions “the fault lies with the reader, not the book” like he’s poking fun at fan speculation.

GRRM does like using the Frey namesakes to play around with character fates. Sandor Clegane killed Tytos Frey, whereas his grandfather saved Tytos Lannister. There’s Sandor Frey, a squire of Donnel Waynwood, who for all we know Sansa will meet as she leaves the Vale. Half of the Beesbury-Raymund Freys have main branch Lannister names (twins Jaime and Tywin, “little Bee” Cersei), and their father Raymund personally slit Catelyn Stark’s throat. Speaking of, Cat killed Aegon “Jinglebell” Frey at the Red Wedding as “a son for a son”, which has some similarity to Aegon son of Elia’s presumed fate (killed while a mother was begging for mercy). There’s Aegon “Bloodborn” Frey son of Aenys, an outlaw, who again has parallels to Aegon VI (you could consider the alleged baby swap him born in blood, and certainly he lived as an outlaw during his youth). Then there’s Bloodborn’s brother Rhaegar, who as you said had three children (Robert, “White” Walda—maybe for her pale hair as she’s part Beesbury?, and Jonos) with a mother named Tyana (Lyanna?) who died in childbirth presumably with him, lied about the Starks’ involvement in the Red Wedding, was betrothed to a northern heiress, and presumably died and was fed to his kin, including his own father Aenys (I guess substitute for Aerys, who outlived Rhaegar before being killed himself). The details are mixed up from what we know of the Targaryens (Lyanna the mistress not the mother, Aegon the son not the older brother, Robert the cousin not the son), but considering how Wyman points out that Rhaegar was “a smirking worm who wears a dragon’s name) I’m sure this branch of the Frey tree having some Targaryen names has significance (probably that they’re doomed). In addition, it seems that Rhaegar’s kids are double cousins with Raymund‘s Lannister named kids (both have Beesbury mothers), so their fates are possibly connected (again, I wouldn’t put it past GRRM murdering some Lannister namesakes even if they’re infants).

[istumpysk]

Operation Stumpy Re-Read

AFFC: Jaime II (Chapter 16)

The funeral procession departed King's Landing through the Gate of the Gods, wider and more splendid than the Lion Gate. The choice felt wrong to Jaime. His father had been a lion, that no one could deny, but even Lord Tywin never claimed to be a god.

How is Daenerys losing against Tywin? Tywin.

+.+.+

Ser Kevan snorted. "So do we all. How fares your king?" His tone made the question a reproach.

"Well enough," Jaime said defensively. "Balon Swann is with him during the mornings. A good and valiant knight."

"Once that went without saying when men spoke of those who wore the white cloak."

No man can choose his brothers, Jaime thought. Give me leave to pick my own men, and the Kingsguard will be great again. Put that baldly, though, it sounded feeble; an empty boast from a man the realm called Kingslayer. A man with shit for honor. Jaime let it go. He had not come to argue with his uncle. 

I'd love to see who he'd put on the Kingsguard. Guaranteed he'd remain as one of the seven.

Is it too much to ask for Jaime to move off of Aerys, and start reflecting on other things that make him a terrible person?

+.+.+

"Will you remain at Darry after the wedding?"

"For a while, mayhaps. Sandor Clegane is raiding along the Trident, it would seem. Your sister wants his head. It may be that he has joined Dondarrion."

Jaime had heard about Saltpans. By now half the realm had heard. The raid had been exceptionally savage. Women raped and mutilated, children butchered in their mothers' arms, half the town put to the torch. "Randyll Tarly is at Maidenpool. Let him deal with the outlaws. I would sooner have you go to Riverrun."

Notice how no one in the story is having a difficult time believing it's Sandor Clegane doing this?

Hell, I'd love to know how many readers never questioned it.

+.+.+

"Addam Marbrand could deal with these outlaws just as well as you. So could Brax, Banefort, Plumm, any of these others. But none would make a good King's Hand."

"Your sister knows my terms. They have not changed. Tell her that, the next time you are in her bedchamber."

+.+.+

He had hoped against hope that Cersei had somehow misunderstood, but plainly that was wrong. He knows about the two of us. About Tommen and Myrcella. And Cersei knows he knows. Ser Kevan was a Lannister of Casterly Rock. He could not believe that she would ever do him harm, but . . . I was wrong about Tyrion, why not about Cersei? When sons were killing fathers, what was there to stop a niece from ordering an uncle slain? An inconvenient uncle, who knows too much. 

Is Jaime going to think Cersei killed Kevan?

Is this about anyone else? I can think of plenty of uncles and aunts who would slay their nephews and/or nieces, but I'm drawing a blank going the other way.

+.+.+

"That's just the thing a bride wants on her wedding night," said Jaime. "A husband who knows how to do his duty."

A flush crept up Lancel's cheeks. "I pray for you, cousin. And for Her Grace the queen. May the Crone lead her to her wisdom and the Warrior defend her."

"Why would Cersei need the Warrior? She has me." Jaime turned his horse about, his white cloak snapping in the wind. 

Ohhh! We love to see it! Sister and brother as the Maiden and the Warrior!

I thought that I was the Warrior and Cersei was the Maid, but all the time she was the Stranger, hiding her true face from my gaze. - Jaime IV, AFFC

x

❤️ The Maiden lay athwart the Warrior, her arms widespread as if to embrace him. - Davos I, ACOK ❤️

+.+.+

The Imp was lying. Cersei would sooner have Robert's corpse between her legs than a pious fool like Lancel. Tyrion, you evil bastard, you should have lied about someone more likely.

Tee-hee.

+.+.+

Garlan the Gallant had taken half the Tyrell strength back to Highgarden, and his lady mother and grandmother had gone with him. The other half had marched south with Mace Tyrell and Mathis Rowan to invest Storm's End.

As for the Lannister host, two thousand seasoned veterans remained encamped outside the city walls, awaiting the arrival of Paxter Redwyne's fleet to carry them across Blackwater Bay to Dragonstone. 

Ignore me.

Half the Tyrell strength with Garlan at Highgarden.

Half the Tyrell strength with Mathis Rowan at Storm's End.

Two thousand Lannister men at Dragonstone with Paxter Redwyne.

Got it.

+.+.+

Then the Knight of Flowers mounted up and put the others all to shame.

Jousting was three-quarters horsemanship, Jaime had always believed. Ser Loras rode superbly, and handled a lance as if he'd been born holding one

I was trying to understand why I was reading about jousting for an entire page, until I came to this and remembered.

Knight of the Laughing Tree clues.

+.+.+

"Oh, look," purred Lady Merryweather, "your brave brother has returned, Your Grace."

"Most of him." 

lmfao. brutal.

+.+.+

The queen was in her cups, Jaime realized. Of late, Cersei always seemed to have a flagon of wine to hand, she who had once scorned Robert Baratheon for his drinking.

Perfect, a blasted Cersei talking with Lady Merryweather. That's exactly what we want.

+.+.+

Pycelle looked desperately uncomfortable. "There has been a bird," he said. "From Stokeworth. Lady Tanda sends word that her daughter Lollys has been delivered of a strong, healthy son."

"And you will never guess what they have named the little bastard, brother."

"They wanted to name him Tywin, I recall."

"Yes, but I forbade it. I told Falyse that I would not have our father's noble name bestowed upon the ill-gotten spawn of some pig boy and a feeble-witted sow."

"Lady Stokeworth insists the child's name was not her doing," Grand Maester Pycelle put in. Perspiration dotted his wrinkled forehead. "Lollys's husband made the choice, she writes. This man Bronn, he . . . it would seem that he . . ."

"Tyrion," ventured Jaime. "He named the child Tyrion."

If I wasn't aware of all the things Tyrion has said and thought about Lollys Stokeworth, I might be able to find this amusing.

By the way, Tommen is sitting right there and hearing all this feeble-witted sow talk.

+.+.+

Jaime knew the look in his sister's eyes. He had seen it before, most recently on the night of Tommen's wedding, when she burned the Tower of the Hand. The green light of the wildfire had bathed the face of the watchers, so they looked like nothing so much as rotting corpses, a pack of gleeful ghouls, but some of the corpses were prettier than others. Even in the baleful glow, Cersei had been beautiful to look upon. She'd stood with one hand on her breast, her lips parted, her green eyes shining. She is crying, Jaime had realized, but whether it was from grief or ecstasy he could not have said.

The sight had filled him with disquiet, reminding him of Aerys Targaryen and the way a burning would arouse him. 

I'm positive it's supposed to remind us of someone else.

But please, continue with these Cersei-Aerys parallels.

+.+.+

A king has no secrets from his Kingsguard. Relations between Aerys and his queen had been strained during the last years of his reign. They slept apart and did their best to avoid each other during the waking hours. But whenever Aerys gave a man to the flames, Queen Rhaella would have a visitor in the night. The day he burned his mace-and-dagger Hand, Jaime and Jon Darry had stood at guard outside her bedchamber whilst the king took his pleasure. "You're hurting me," they had heard Rhaella cry through the oaken door. "You're hurting me." In some queer way, that had been worse than Lord Chelsted's screaming. "We are sworn to protect her as well," Jaime had finally been driven to say. "We are," Darry allowed, "but not from him."

Jaime had only seen Rhaella once after that, the morning of the day she left for Dragonstone. The queen had been cloaked and hooded as she climbed inside the royal wheelhouse that would take her down Aegon's High Hill to the waiting ship, but he heard her maids whispering after she was gone. They said the queen looked as if some beast had savaged her, clawing at her thighs and chewing on her breasts. A crowned beast, Jaime knew.

I'M SO SLOW.

This is when Daenerys was conceived! I didn't know that!

It would be totally unfair and in poor taste to suggest any of this influenced her disposition, but I'm going to do it anyway.

BAD OMEN BABY.

+.+.+

By the end the Mad King had become so fearful that he would allow no blade in his presence, save for the swords his Kingsguard wore. 

Why, were Usurper's Knives chasing him?

+.+.+

His beard was matted and unwashed, his hair a silver-gold tangle that reached his waist, his fingernails cracked yellow claws nine inches long. Yet still the blades tormented him, the ones he could never escape, the blades of the Iron Throne. His arms and legs were always covered with scabs and half-healed cuts.

Let him be king over charred bones and cooked meat, Jaime remembered, studying his sister's smile. Let him be the king of ashes. 

Tee-hee.

+.+.+

"I am growing very fond of Lady Taena. She amuses me."

"She is one of Margaery Tyrell's companions," Jaime reminded her. "She's informing on you to the little queen."

"Of course she is." Cersei went to the sideboard to fill her cup anew. "Margaery was thrilled when I asked her leave to take Taena on as my companion. You should have heard her. 'She will be a sister to you, as she's been to me. Of course you must have her! I have my cousins and my other ladies.' Our little queen does not want me to be lonely."

"If you know she is a spy, why take her on?"

"Margaery is not half so clever as she thinks. She has no notion what a sweet serpent she has in that Myrish slut. I use Taena to feed the little queen what I want her to know. Some of it is even true." Cersei's eyes were bright with mischief. "And Taena tells me everything Maid Margaery is doing."

At what point did Cersei forget all of this?

+.+.+

She knows I can do more for her than Margaery, so she makes herself useful to me. You would be surprised at all the interesting things she's told me."

"What sorts of things?"

Cersei sat beneath the window. "Did you know that the Queen of Thorns keeps a chest of coins in her wheelhouse? Old gold from before the Conquest. Should any tradesman be so unwise as to name a price in golden coins, she pays him with hands from Highgarden, each half the weight of one of our dragons. What merchant would dare complain of being cheated by Mace Tyrell's lady mother?"

That's the information she gave Cersei? Weird, that almost makes her seem like a Varys agent.

I know, I know, I'll save the tinfoil for Bran.

+.+.+

"Roose Bolton is our Warden of the North. He will deal with Stannis."

"Lord Bolton is trapped below the Neck, cut off from the north by the ironmen at Moat Cailin."

"Not for long. Bolton's bastard son will soon remove that little obstacle. Lord Bolton will have two thousand Freys to augment his own strength, under Lord Walder's sons Hosteen and Aenys. That should be more than enough to deal with Stannis and a few thousand broken men."

Ignore me.

Two thousand Frey men in the north.

A few thousand Stannis men in the north.

Got it.

+.+.+

"You still require a Hand, however. If not our uncle, who?"

His sister laughed. "Not you. Have no fear on that count. Perhaps Taena's husband. His grandfather was Hand under Aerys."

Lady Merryweather has already managed to secure one of the most powerful positions in all of Westeros for her husband. Who is playing who here?

+.+.+

"I govern the realm."

Seven save us all, you do. His sister liked to think of herself as Aegon Lord Tywin with teats, but she was wrong. Their father had been as relentless and implacable as a glacier, where Cersei was all wildfire, especially when thwarted. 

Tywin is ice, and Cersei is fire?

But. . . jonerys??

+.+.+

"A weak ruler needs a strong Hand, as Aerys needed Father. A strong ruler requires only a diligent servant to carry out his orders." She swirled her wine. "Lord Hallyne might suit. He would not be the first pyromancer to serve as the King's Hand."

Can everyone please go to the wiki, and look at the image used for Lord Hallyne? Thank you.

What's dumber, making a pyromancer your Hand or giving the job to Tyrion Lannister? Tough, right?

+.+.+

No. I killed the last one. "There is talk that you mean to make Aurane Waters the master of ships."

"Has someone been informing on me?" When he did not answer, Cersei tossed her hair back, and said, "Waters is well suited to the office. He has spent half his life on ships."

"Half his life? He cannot be more than twenty."

Sure, but consider this: he's hot.

+.+.+

"A weak ruler needs a strong Hand, as Aerys needed Father. A strong ruler requires only a diligent servant to carry out his orders." 

x

"Half his life? He cannot be more than twenty."

"Two-and-twenty, and what of it? Father was not even one-and-twenty when Aerys Targaryen named him Hand. 

I love when they put daddy on a pedestal.

+.+.+

"You are a child, Jaime. Redwyne is Tyrell's bannerman, and nephew to that hideous grandmother of his. I want none of Lord Tyrell's creatures on my council."

"Tommen's council, you mean."

"You know what I mean."

Too well. "I know that Aurane Waters is a bad idea, and Hallyne is a worse one. As for Qyburn . . . gods be good, Cersei, he rode with Vargo Hoat. The Citadel stripped him of his chain!"

"The grey sheep. Qyburn has made himself most useful to me. And he is loyal, which is more than I can say of mine own kin."

The crows will feast upon us all if you go on this way, sweet sister. "Cersei, listen to yourself. You are seeing dwarfs in every shadow and making foes of friends. Uncle Kevan is not your enemy. I am not your enemy."

I think it's a bit concerning Qyburn is being grouped with other bad decisions like Aurance Waters, and Hallyne.

+.+.+

"Get out, I said. I am sick of looking at that ugly stump of yours. Get out!" To speed him on his way, she heaved her wine cup at his head. She missed, but Jaime took the hint.

Evenfall found him sitting alone in the common room of White Sword Tower, with a cup of Dornish red and the White Book. 

Thrown out by Cersei, and straight to Evenfall. This is big foreshadowing in Braime Land.

Every single day I feel spoiled.

+.+.+

"I saw you in the yard today," said Jaime. "You rode well."

"Better than well, surely." Ser Loras poured himself a cup of wine, and took a seat across the half-moon table.

"A more modest man might have answered 'My lord is too kind,' or 'I had a good mount.'"

Both Cersei and Jaime having to deal with younger (less evil) versions of themselves is a riot.

+.+.+

"This one is for us. The history of every man who has ever worn a white cloak is written here."

"I have glanced at it. The shields are pretty. I prefer books with more illuminations. Lord Renly owned a few with drawings that would turn a septon blind."

PORN.

+.+.+

"Good enough. He died, but his king lived. A lot of brave men have worn the white cloak. Most have been forgotten."

"Most deserve to be forgotten. The heroes will always be remembered. The best."

"The best and the worst." So one of us is like to live in song. "And a few who were a bit of both. Like him."

A bit of both, eh? You're running out of time, and I see little opportunity left.

+.+.+

"The best and the worst." So one of us is like to live in song. "And a few who were a bit of both. Like him." He tapped the page he had been reading.

"Who?" Ser Loras craned his head around to see. "Ten black pellets on a scarlet field. I do not know those arms."

"They belonged to Criston Cole, who served the first Viserys and the second Aegon." Jaime closed the White Book. "They called him Kingmaker."

Does pushing a child out of a tower count as kingmaking? Heh, kingslaying and kingmaking, he did a bit of both!

Anyway, Criston Cole is the Kingsguard who was rumoured to be Rhaenyra Targaryen's lover. Let's ignore the rest of the history, and pretend it was unavailable at this point.

We first learn about Criston Cole in a chapter where Arianne Martell is being intimate with a member of the Kingsguards. Now he's being brought up again to close out a Jaime chapter, and the word 'CERSEI' follows in big, bold letters.

Based on that alone, it feels like this has less to do with kingmaking, and more to do with sexual relations between Kingsguard and would-be queens. But what the hell do I know?

Final thoughts:

The more we get into the history, the more I'm in serious trouble.

Only gifs from here on out.

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